Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
