You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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