I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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