The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
