can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
