his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
