so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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