Pappa wants mamma naked
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
