I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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