This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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