Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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