so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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