we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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