So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
