1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
