i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
