I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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