it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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