So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
