if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize