she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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