If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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