i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize