he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
