I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
