I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
