are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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