plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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