Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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