im having a threesome with these popsicles
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
