i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We have started to decorate penises.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize