M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
