you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
