I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
