i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize