if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
