Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
