I bet he comes in French.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
