I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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