New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
