There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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