It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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