so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They took my balls.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
