I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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