I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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