Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
