I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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