she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
