Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
