His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
