my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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