Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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