Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
