Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
