She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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