so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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