The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
