He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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