you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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