you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
