break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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