You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
