My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
