:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
