Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And then he peed in my hair
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