I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
