I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
