Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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