We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
