Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
