While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
