so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
