4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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