Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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