I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
