Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
