Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
