I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
