So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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