Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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