Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
