I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
