Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pants are for mortals
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