It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
