Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
