I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
