Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
