I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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