i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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